I feel dirty

I feel dirty. I just got done writing (actually re-writing) Lyrics for a song I originally wrote in Los Angeles in 2003. Broke and homeless I scraped up enough money to buy Microsoft Office. I upgraded a Trial Version that came with my Netboodk.Once installed, the banner on the information bar of the software I purchased said “Microsoft ffice- Not for Commercial Use” Wow. I thought I was buying software. Not another trial version.

Don’t get me wrong. I have the highest regard for Bill Gates. For God’s sake… rumor has it he wrote a bootstrap loader for the MS version of BASIC for the IBM PC on the plane flight to Boca Raton. He had the vision to understand the importance of an operating system for the nest level of a personal computer for IBM and the business acumen to see the value of taking computers into every living room in America by adding value to hardware that would otherwise be a footnote in progress of human need. He embraced what every person would need to make a PC their own.

One cannot wonder how much he had to borrow to get to that place. Seriously, allegedly he and his friends used humongous amounts of borrowed computer time to learn their craft. He was accused by one biographer of letting a poor woman’s ice cream to melt in a line while he scrambled through his pockets for enough change to buy his own and has been vilified in parody even by the writers of the Simpsons for crushing small businesses that might have new ideas that his own company could profit from.

Still. I love the guy. When he finally settled down and got married he took the surplus of his wealth to seek solutions for the disadvantaged, the ill, and the underdogs.

I have never been so star-struck that I would write anybody to thank them for what they have done in the course of their stardom that affected me so profoundly. But I have often wished to write Mr. Gates. His efforts have been profound. The rewards he has gained have been filtered back to people who would never understand his accomplishments let alone the valid efforts he has achieved for humanity. Their humanity. I read the articles about the Altair that I am sure he did. Way back then.  He seeks out brilliance. He recruits it. He brings it all back home (apologies to Dylan.)

I am a certified project manager. I am a nameless number in an economy that has forgotten me. I refuse to be folded, spindled, or mutilated. I know things. But still I cannot reach one base ten exponent of the complexity that is Bill Gates.

But I still feel guilty. I am just writing lyrics. How can I know if they will ever have commercial value? Or if I will one day be used for commercial use? Are the lawyers from Bic pens ever going to come knock on my door to ask me for the royalties they deserve for the songs I have written with a pen I used on a spiral notebook I bought at Walmart? I doubt it.

As much as I doubt Microsoft will ask me for a chunk of the profits of a song I wrote using Microsoft Office.  Even if I should eve get so lucky to be noticed enough to have a single verse that makes a difference. Open Office is FREE.

I will not lie. It is still imposing to my creativity to know I paid for my word processer and am being informed that it is only for non-commercial use. So is a library. So is public computing. For some reason…. I still feel dirty. But I still admire Bill.